How to find a Husband

More women than I thought (that are unmarried apparently) read this blog.

So ladies, here are some general pointers. Just like I tell the men to become as presentable as possible, do the same.

*Wear clothes that highlight your best features.

*Wear SOME make-up (do not trowel the stuff on, it’s off putting).

*Don’t be a disgusting lard-ass. Stay healthy and fit.

*Personal hygiene is NEVER optional, and especially so for a woman.

*Unless you suffer from some disfiguring malformation, as a general rule, do NOT get any plastic surgery/botox/lip-filler, etc. Yes, we CAN see it. YES we DO KNOW, and no it’s not enticing. In fact, in almost all cases, it’s very off-putting.

*Learn interesting stuff. It doesn’t even really matter what, but a woman with a SKILL is unusual and makes a man pay attention. I dated for a time, quite seriously, a woman that was an underwear model, had been a model in general, then quit because she didn’t like the environment and she had no driver’s licence, so got around on a scooter, which only required a reduced licence. But she had a valid pilot’s licence. Now, I never needed her to fly a plane, but the idea of her being the pilot on some smuggling adventure in a Tales of the Gold Monkey style fashion, lived permanently in my head the whole time I was with her. All we would have needed was a small plane that could land on water, and a broom-handle Mauser pistol. If you have to ask why the Mauser, you will never understand. And if you have not seen that one off series, trust me, it’s absolutely worth it, get the set and binge on it. But I digress. The point is a woman that CAN change a tire, or use a spreadsheet, or, like my wife, has preternatural ability to find/buy the weirdest gadget I didn’t even imagine might exist, that turns out to be useful, and so on, is a bonus point. More so if it’s actually useful. BUT… DO NOT OVERSELL IT. Ok, so you know what a carburettor is, great, but don’t go on about it the way Vegans go on about their eating habits.

*Learn to actually LISTEN. For all that the running joke –in the dystopian narrative we live in– is that men don’t listen, the reality is that it is WOMEN that are almost functionally incapable of listening.

The way a male brain generally works is in one of these two ways:

Information comes in —> Gets processed in context —> action or response is taken within that context.

Nagging comes in —> gets identified as nagging —> internally ignores the nagging and ponders life, his bad choices in women, abstract math, and above all: What would a Roman Centurion Do? —> Makes noncommittal noises to pretend some random semblance of listening.

Women get upset and say men don’t listen in the second instance.

Unless you are good at really not listening.

Again, true story, I once had a girlfriend that was really almost a ten in looks and bedroom skills, but her brain was a close representation of tapioca mixed with random electrical discharges and she would start arguments with me for no earthly reason known to man. She once did this over the phone and I really wasn’t in the mood. Instead of my usual response, which would generally be composed of two words and hanging up, I simply put the phone down, far enough I could not hear a word she was saying, but just a squeaky kind of white noise and I proceeded to have my lunch. If the squeaky noise paused I’d grab the phone and go: “Hmmm.” And put it back down. I had a pleasant lunch that took about 30-40 minutes, and when I next heard a pause in the squeaky noise and grabbed the phone, the statement on her side of it was:

“Oh… wow, I am really impressed. this is really the first time you just listened to me without arguing back that none of what I say makes any logical sense. Thank you! Can I come over tonight?”

To which I said “Sure.” And to this day I have no idea what stupid shit she was talking about, but I guarantee you it was stupid shit, because she never brought it up again, not that evening when she came over, nor any other time or during any of the other arguments we had. Now, why is this? I’ll explain, it; has to do with how the female brain works when someone is talking to them, and it is invariably this:

Information comes in—>depending on how attractive/personally invested she is already in the person speaking FOR HER OWN MOTIVES, the ability to actually take in the information as presented and process it in context varies, from an effective almost 0% to a maximum of 80% even if she is madly in love and really trying. Whatever the information is, from a male perspective it would be the equivalent of you receiving truncated messages over radio. The information was: “Would you like a starter? Do you like pasta, like me? or prefer meat?” Depending on her level of personal investment in you this could be received as anything between:

“Would you lik… start…me?” To which she says an enthusiastic YES and expects you to take her to your place, or in the opposite case, throws a drink in your face and accuses you of attempted sexual assault.

AND

“Would [you like] pasta, me [meat]” If she is hungry and likes pasta but not you she will say “pasta.” If she likes you too she may respond “meat” with a meaningful glint in her eye.

The point is women do not hear the objective universe. They crush-grind it and funnel it through whatever emotion, random thought, specific obsession, or other thing in her head either temporarily or semi-permanently, is already lodged in there. And they generally never answer whatever question or topic you are asking them about, but at best a lose interpretation of what they THINK you might have asked.

Which is why engineers, rocket scientists, snipers, mathematicians, and basically anyone where people die if you don’t do detailed shit correctly, is male.

So ladies, despite your seething rage at the above few paragraphs, please understand two three things:

1. Men who understand women to a certain level are all aware that by our standards you are generally incoherent, batshit crazy, incongruent to a degree that would get men shot on sight, messy, chaotic, emotional and hormonal. Autists and men with little experience of women do NOT get this anywhere near as well.
2. While we understand you think the entirety of creation revolves around your wishes, needs and desires, the inconceivable and horrible reality is that it absolutely does not. It’s even much more worse than that in fact: The Universe doesn’t generally care about you at all, and even if God loves you, reality will still bitchslap you in the face all day long, every day, and continue to do it all your life. It would really be helpful if you learned to understand that:
   • Objective reality is COMPLETELY independent from how you feel about any of it
   • The more you are able to reason and do logic, the more it improves your life in every way, AND it impresses every man you know in ways you can’t even imagine

3. Truly, you ability to think and react logically and consistently will be like magic unicorns singing rainbows to any man that has had to deal with a few of the average women present in the West today.

Although different to the above, though very much related, always remember that while you generally get to decide who and if they have sex with you, pretty much at will, men get to decide who and if he gets married to them. Pretty much at will. So check your entitlement at the door.

And here is the absolute silver bullet for most men:

DO NOT BREAK HIS BALLS. DRAIN THEM INSTEAD.

Crude? Sure. True? Also real.

A woman who is a genuine help instead of a drag on a man’s already busy life, and who is kind, does not nag, and is genuinely and respectfully attracted to a man and shows it to him regularly, is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Or to put it in even more crude, but really simple terms in meme format:

And the TL;DR version

Now, if you are an actual Church going, Catholic lady, forgive the crudeness, and bad language, but honestly, I very much doubt a proper Catholic woman really needs any advice on finding a husband. The sad fact is that twe have a complete TSUNAMI, of entitled, thinks-she-is-a-ten (when she is a six at best), bratty, ignorant, spoilt women who assume they deserve the best of everything all the time.

And that’s just not how reality works. Another VERY useful ability, is for you to rate yourself on the traditional 1-10 scale, which is ONLY used for looks. That is your overall face and body. You might not like it, it says nothing about you as a person, but men, simple creatures that we are, pretty much DO rate you this way. And while a man may well have sex with anything right down to a 0, they will generally NOT marry anything 2 points lower than them on the physical attractiveness scale. So select your potential match accordingly. If you are a 7, you’re NOT going to get a 9 who also has money and a decent career. That guy is not having any trouble finding sexual partners and has very little incentive to get married until he finds at least a 9 that is feminine, helpful, intelligent, submissive, sexy and entertaining. And he CAN find that, at his level.

A man will tend to marry maybe one point lower or two, if he is a generic Delta type who is himself either a 6-7 or hasn’t got a lot of self-esteem, and so on, but generally men are looking for something between a point lower than them and two points higher (which is their own delusion in many cases, but far less so than is the female delusions of what they can get married to.)

Anyway, those are the basic pointers and should really be plenty for most women. if there are any specific comments of emails that repeat a particular point, I will address it too.

[ X ]

This entry was posted in Relationships, Relationships, Social Commentary. RSS 2.0 feed.